Anxiety & Depression are Like Play Cousins

Anxiety and depression are like best friends/play cousins. When you see one, chances are you will see the other. In this blog, I’ll explain why anxiety and depression often go hand in hand.

How anxiety + depression are connected

Let’s start with anxiety. People who experience anxiety typically say things like “I’m always in my head”. This overthinking can look like replaying events from the past on a loop. In therapist speak, this is called ruminating - thinking about something over and over. Ruminating and getting stuck in the past is a recipe for depression. We cannot change the past. There’s nothing we can do to change the circumstances of past events. So the person ends up endlessly beating themselves up over something they cannot change.

These ongoing negative thoughts about yourself lead to self-criticism. Negative thoughts about self are the seeds that grow into negative core beliefs about self. Core beliefs are what you believe to be true about yourself, others, and the world around you. Negative beliefs about self show up as shame, self-doubt, and self-criticism. As an anxiety therapist, my work often focuses on helping clients separate their “little t” truths from the actual “big T” TRUTH. So when they reflect on their past, different thoughts will be associated with the experience.

Living in the past leads to depression

It’s unfair to you to judge your past self. Your past self did the best you could with the information, support, and resources you had at the time. Looking back on your past from the perspective of having made it through to the other side is extremely unfair to you. It’s like having binge-watched a series all the way to the finale and being upset with your past self for not knowing how all of the pieces connect when you watched the first episode.

Attempting to live in the future leads to anxiety

If you struggle with anxiety you may also notice that you tend to ruminate about the future. “What ifs” constantly flood into your mind. And the anxiety tends to worsen in times of uncertainty. You find yourself crippled by anxiety when presented with major decisions. This is because you are trying to base the decision on what you think you might want in the future. But the problem is how would you know the answer to that question? Your brain is on a loop trying to work out the “right” decision. Instead, I encourage clients to consider a different question - what is the best choice based on your current needs?

Stopping the loop

Stay focused on the present. Apply principles of mindfulness to bring yourself back to the present. Research has shown that practicing mindfulness reduces anxiety. Mindfulness is not something that comes naturally to most of us. This is why it requires practice. Mindfulness is being fully present in the moment, without judgment, or expectation. Mindfulness is not about what you do, but about how you do it. This requires intentionality. Over time, practicing mindfulness becomes less challenging. The benefits of mindfulness are seen when practiced over time as well. Think of it like flossing. You can’t just floss the day before your dentist appointment and never think of it again until 6 months later. We have to floss on a regular and consistent basis in order to see the benefits of doing it. It’s not on the top 10 list of enjoyable activities but the benefits come when practiced consistently.

As an anxiety therapist, I am also on the lookout for depression.

I know that people tend to cycle between the two. So while a person may initially present with anxiety, I always inquire about symptoms of depression as well.

My hope is that this blog will not only help you to understand a longstanding pattern that you’ve noticed within yourself but also empower you to understand a bit of what’s been happening. Anxiety may be a trending topic right now, but depression is still very real. I want to encourage you and let you know that you are not alone.

If you are stuck in the loop of anxiety and depression and want support in breaking the cycle, click here to learn how therapy with me can help.